The Yellow Fields

Ever wondered why the yellow fields, blossoming on soft lush green stems, waving and breathing on a bright and warm summer day, makes you blissful?

It speaks of shackle-free escapes to the dreamy world. The freedom to feel it all within you; nothing but just the pure air seeping deep into your veins. There is everything you can leave behind, all that you carried buckled up in your bag of life. All the work and people, cares and problems, and that busy life which you so want to hate and still cannot. You are driving towards your destination but you pull off right away at that lonely spot on the highway; just because you can.

All you want is to take that first step in the greens. The sky is crystal turquoise, the mountains call you with their widest open arms, and it is all yellow; right there for you. It all can wait. You drop off your bag and do not turn around to watch it,  the way you normally would do for all your precious possessions are inside it.  You take the second step. in rejoice and eternal peace. You smell the rusty earth and the pollens all around you. You breathe-in deep to realize that it is all real; you are finally here! That is when no one can stop you from taking the third, fourth, fifth and all the following steps to go deeper inside until your heart is all soaked up with nature. The shiny petals of the blooming marsh marigolds; you feel their touch on your momentarily gentle fingertips because that is the most golden thing you have seen in a very long time. The harsh leaves do not bother you because there is plentiful beauty blinding your eyes and nourishing your soul. The colors mingle deep and so do you with them. You want to lay down and roll until that one gasp of a contended laugh finally escapes when your eyes meet the crystal sky. In that moment you realize that you are one with infinity, and it is this moment everything else leads up to.

Another inhale ensures you soak it up all; enough to know that you have all you ever wanted in this life. All you ever wished was is right here in your arms, just as is this alpine yellow field. So much you gave up and so much you risked for all but this one moment. Just one of those times when life is, indeed, beautiful.

This is all you need sometimes; this one moment in the yellow fields to give you the strength to face the reality. This one escape which can save you. This one deep breath to nourish your soul enough to make that flicker last just a little longer.

She had to save herself. And she had to do it now before it was all lost.

She had to write.

Story of a Two Year Old Jeans

It was two years ago when the blue denim jeans was purchased, fresh from the showroom, packed in a smooth shining black plastic cover. It traveled all the way long in that bag on the roads to Delhi and then 36000 feet above the earth in the sky to finally reach a cozy city in Germany, just to be kept into the cupboard packed for two years. It was never worn. Only after a year the owner took the pain to take it out of its homely bag, just to keep it back again at the same place inside the cupboard. It was in darkness, except for few moments when light would creep in as the cupboard’s door opened. The jeans became a dream, only a wish to be fulfilled someday, all that the day never came for two years until today.

Today the true journey for the jeans started, to fulfill its destiny of getting worn and rugged. It breadth the fresh air for the first time in two long years. For the first time it felt the cold, the sun shine and shimmering of the frost. For the first time it felt the touch of dew drops. There was pride and relief, as the happiness prevailed through the denim followed by serenity.

I was happy because I finally did it, got what I wanted. I now know the I am in the right direction because I achieved a goal I had set. I finally lost it!

Life after Death

How frequent do you hear some news of death- in your close circles, outer circles, in society and newspapers? On an average, there is 1 death per 0.5 sec and around 6000 deaths per day. A good number of souls depart their bodies and leave the present dimension where we are still alive experiencing our basic five senses. Biologically, it’s just another process in a cycle which every living thing has to pass through, where all the metabolisms in the organism stops, breathing stops and the last molecule of Oxygen escapes the body. But, this ‘Science of Life’ cannot still completely describe all the Life it talks about. The person (referring specifically to humans here) when dies, an identity, a personality, a future, a career, an idea, a dream, a hope and a Life dies and ends with it forever. That is a dead-end, no more to go, nowhere to turn around. So things have to be buried in the soil forever, under those last footsteps and must be forgotten else Time makes that happen for the remaining Life on this Earth. With time the remains fade away with difficulty, but soon there will be no remarks on that dead-end. And who knows, with time the dead-end no more remains an end?

Within the frame of the identity that disappears, things in the present dimensions are the simplest as the complexity dies along with its originator, the Mind. Now considering the frame of the present dimension where Life exists, Life lives and with Time, as always, moves on. Our Lives are simple. We don’t cease to live with a death incident. Considering natural deaths, where the mind slowly accustoms to the fact that some connections have to be stopped, that the absence will soon be a routine but will get filled with another presence with time, things are still to an extent simple. Considering that ‘emotional root’- the Heart, it remains heavy for a little more time, but eventually, even this gets used to the absence. What is more difficult is a sudden death, which occurs as a hard blow to the senses that one’s Mind and Heart cannot absorb and it leads to a trauma. In few cases, this trauma may lead to another death, another dead-end, but in most, it is a deep scar that takes almost a life-time to heal. Even if not healed, the Lives still move on. The point is, what makes one step over the fresh bleeding and paining wounds, crush hard the red flesh bulging out over the skinny bones with the thorny soles and make this Life move on? What is this so cruel element, which is so majestically powerful that it makes a soul lifeless but still keeps the flame burning? People talk about God, it is where He comes. God is not only someone who will just always do good, He is not someone who will always be there beside you. He is someone, who is more powerful than you, someone who will make you kneel down and beg in front of Him, who has the power to break you down, shatter you into millions of pieces  and at the same time brings heaven to your range. This is what God is, whom you can never understand, who has no reasons, no questions and no answers.

It’s not just the first time I heard some news of sudden death. Considering the average death rate it is very frequent to come across such news. Just this one made me think over it again. There is this young beautiful woman, preparing for her sister’s marriage, with her sister sitting beside her. She only knows that her husband met an accident and is serious in a hospital. She is calm, patient, staring at the blank sky and praying in her heart for his life, waiting for him to come back. All the cable wires were cut down, newspapers were stopped so that no news could reach that premises, because everyone else present there, including her sister, knew that her husband died ten days ago burning himself in an act to rescue a ship worker. He is dead and there is nothing much interesting left in this story except that from now on, she will be living her life, searching and making her ways through a dead-end.

If Only

“A bridge of silver wings stretches from the dead ashes of an unforgiving nightmare to the jeweled vision of a life started anew.”

For the first time in life, on a new year’s day the vessel was full and the brim became wet with drop by drop the liquid falling into it. At some point then, it overflowed and the liquid spilled, spreading all over the floor. Sometimes holding back the wild horses is not successful. They are stronger than your grip. So all you can do is let them go away, let them run wild and they will stop after precipitating hard. Past year, the very special 2012, can only be described as the most amazing and full of surprises. A year, which was a box of chocolates and of course, I never knew which one I was going to eat next. Some were sweet, very sweet that made my taste buds numb to sweetness. Some were Dairy Milk chocolates that you can relish anytime, in any mood and are used to their taste since childhood. Some were from Belgium, Swiss exciting my nerves and bringing a new joy and some were dark. In the bitterness, dark ones revealed a new sensation to buds. But sometimes, if you put something in your mouth, you got to swallow it, even if you don’t like the bitterness because you cannot throw it away when you took the risk happily to explore the new varieties.

When you make your way through life, turning the turns and making your flow, you feel strong. But then this belief sets aback, when life shows you that it has more power than you think you own. It can bring anything to you that you could not have even imagined of. It will carry you away with surprises, shocks and you will be left helpless, wondering why. Why. The only word that makes me helpless, that leaves me powerless, that shatters my hopes and forces me to succumb to the great mystery of life. I hate mysteries, I hate surprises. Determined life, known destinations are safer. With this unknown territory that one walks in, one never knows the mountains and pit falls one might face. Gardens, valleys may also be there but the point is you never know. And yes, there will be no reason, no answer to why. The more I tried, or still try to solve this puzzle of the life bounded with whys, I become more helpless, more succumbed to destiny, to that mysterious power which is ruling this world, just the way it wants. No matter if it’s the wrong or the right way, it’s just its way. And we, we mere creatures are no one to question why. But despite the storms, the winds, somewhere in the backyard, an indomitable spirit provokes the soul, holds it back, and carries the flickering flame of hope and faith of those unreal dreams, which burns fighting till it’s death. That’s what life is all about. I sometimes feel exhausted of understanding this. This crap of philosophy, of life, why can’t we just move without pressuring our nerves, by going against our instincts of exploring? This wears one out to the depth.

If only things are the way we want them to be, if only Life is determined, if only promises are kept, if only Life is just, if only you could get all the answers, the answers to all the whys, and if only this day could have been different, Life would have been complete. Complete with the series of dreams coming true, complete with the surprises it could offer to you, complete with the absence of this presence. But Life is still complete in its own way, just I don’t know which way it is. But if only, if only I could know.