How it feels to have sleepless nights?
When the city goes to sleep, you go to sleep too, closing your eyes, trying to sleep, trying hard but unable to stop a fear getting hold of you. You lay on your bed, eyes wide open and suddenly you tremble, fearing if your fear comes true. You tremble seeing yourself in the middle of the scene, all alone in that strangest land, enclosed by all those memories whom you once tried hard to bury in the past. They are awake now, right in front of your eyes, gushing into your life and catching your breath. And you are helpless. You sink deep into them, suffocating to death.
She suddenly got up and drank water from her bottle. In the silent night the sound of water rushing down her throat felt as if it was falling deep into a well. She realized when she saw the clock that she had been lying on the bed with her eyes wide open for the past one hour. She still was not feeling sleepy at that mid hour and neither she want to lay idle on her bed being afraid of some stupid thought. She wanted to be with someone at this odd hour and she thought of someone she can talk to. But it was a difficult thing to get one. Yeah, calling someone at two in the morning just to say “I want to talk to you because I don’t know what else to do”, in
the simplest words is stupid when hardly someone you know will be awake and even if one is, one might not really like talking to you. It came as a flash to her that there was something she was willing to do for a pretty long time, write. Because it is when we are alone, away from this world in a silent night with all our thoughts building all those towns and villages we once belonged to in our dreams and imaginations, that these are those few times when you can actually paint them to picture or bring them to existence by giving them your words. She put the headphones and played “Lost” that she downloaded an hour ago and started writing. She felt quite strange that she likes rock music now in which she was never interested once.
There was something she always tried to write about but was never able to. Reason, that she was afraid of something that had to be there and about which, everyone at least speculates. But still she was afraid, not of people, but her own self. Because there was something she clinched to her heart but never let reach her mind. She was afraid that it might do something to her which she won’t be able to control and which may spoil something which had been ‘just precious’ to her. Something that was never hers, because it was that people gave her and she took it, thinking that she owns it. This believe build walls around her and she put all the mortar to hold those bricks of belief even stronger. And slowly she was a prisoner of her own device. Sadly, she never came to know this or was afraid because she was enjoying the privilege of being considered superior to others for something that was justified only for that moment to people and never to her. And now when she was beginning to realize that this was something which plays the most important part of her destiny, she was afraid to give it a single thought.
She must soon learn to live the things the way they should be. Not decided by people but which her heart approves and her mind consents to. When both are in harmony with each other. When she realizes her destiny, when she becomes her SELF, when she is no more afraid and when she crosses the bridge and reaches out for happiness and lives it honestly. When she fixes herself and when she will be no more sleepless.